Reading and Learning

Ever Read about something and you have that Ahhh Haaa moment? I read a book called Ask and it is Given learning to Manifest your desires by Easter and Jerry Hicks. It is a New Age type of book and they Channel Spirits that go by the collective name of Abraham...and while the concept might seem out there to some people when I actually went through my life and looks at the times I asked the universe for something and then received what I asked for.....it struck a cord. I asked of my husband...well not him specifically just the qualities that he embodies. I asked for the person to love me as I am not for how much money I have what I look like but loves me simply for being me.....and I got exactly that and more then I ever could imagine....and no he is not perfect but he really tries to show me every day that he loves me. The concepts in the book resound with things that I believe in...I do believe in a Higher power....some might call him God...I am not sure there is a word that adequately  describes what the energy is....but I do believe that He exists. Anyway after weeks of work with my counselor we are figuring out that I have a definite Anxiety issue...one that needs to be dealt with and in my own way of not doing things how people expect me too I am seeking alternative ways of dealing with it... acupuncture being one the other is expanding my knowledge on how other points of view.

The Good and the Bad

The good part is that I have lot a total of 6 inches in the last 3 weeks. It makes sense when you think about the fact that all of my clothes are constantly being hiked-up. The bad part is I only lost 1/2 pound...but I am not as concerned about the number on the scale as much as I am concerned about percentage of body fat which it is too early to test...I will say with the decrease in inches that has most likely gone down as well.

Therapy is starting to make sense of things...the reason I sleep so much...is not depression so much as me not being able to shut off and actually sleep...which then causes me to run out of energy and have to re-boot if you will...one stress filled 4 days means I sleep for about the same amount of time...I really need to figure out a way to stop that...it is not condusive to living or for that matter working but it explains why I can not do 2 stressful things at a time....and to be honest it is not as bad as when I was younger.....now to figure out how to go from here, and as always I find every thing that is broken with me and try to fix it all at the same time. My mental health, my physical health and my spiritual health...and I never quite get there.

The only area of my life that seems to be without difficulty is that of my marriage...there I have discovered that we are not like most couples we love each other are happy to be each others companion and for the most part our conflict is pretty much related to our stress level and how crabby we are at any given time.

Part of the Journey

I found out what is the problem with my stomach I have been having...basically they know what causes it sort of....certain groups of people are at greater risk....diabetics and people that have had the flu....since I have both issues.....while they think it was from the flu but are not sure...the treatment well that they don't  know a lot about how to fix it...medication...really is mostly ineffective and the side effects are life altering... Parkinson's is one of them.... other then that the alternative medicine is  a wait and see if it works for you...I am researching the concept of raw milk....a change in diet is necessary how ever I am not eating crappy...so that means researching...and trial and error...why I have to be the one that gets the odd stuff I don't know

Exercise...The challenge of consistance

I hate exercise...the idea of going to a gym and walking on a treadmill is really boring and not challenging, not to mention very intimidating....you see being the heavy one all my life you learn to avoid places that can cause pain...and not the physical kind...however, in an effort to stay off my Diabetic meds I bit the bullet and went back ...and since I had 6-1/2 sessions of personal training signed up for that. I will say that I like this personal trainer as much as my first one the last time I tried this...she pushes but doesn't try and kill me in the process...now to figure out how to pay of more sessions. The thing that bothers me the most about being obese is that most people do not get it....not even the fat ones...It is not simple if it was there would be no fat people...it is also not easy either.

Right now there are 2 schools of people the ones that think all overweight and obese people sit and eat fast food and junk all day long....I won't say I never eat fast food because that would be untrue...I do not eat it everyday not even once a week, it is more like twice a month...and for me that is sometimes too much....I will say I am aiming at seeing how long I can go without eating out at a restaurant other then for a special occasion...I will say when I do eat out I do try to pick the healthiest option offered..and sometimes not....but we are trying to save money and I made the decision that we would forgo the eating out and I would try cooking from all my cooking magazines...so far so good...yesterday was Tortellini Primavera....and a mixed green salad....and we sort of skipped dessert....the other school are the ones that blame gentic make up for it...more on them later

About the Journey

People reach milestones in their life that they chronicle...some with pictures others with writing...I have done absolutely nothing in my life that any one would consider great or important. Life is shall we say mundane at best. I have been lost as to what direction I should go and as my 40th birthday is approaching in the next month...I can say my life has nothing to show for it.

So far I hit all the depressing statistics...a house in foreclosure, no job or prospects of one, medical issues that are at times frustrating, and the worst of all I am one of the obese people you hear about on the news all the time.

Having laid this all out...the difference is I am making changes that make me happy....I am exercising and I am exploring my set backs and failures in an effort to move forward and have a happy and amazing life.